


Missing

by Beautiful Midnight (mcopland)



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Amnesiac Bucky Barnes, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes & Shuri Friendship, M/M, Protective T'Challa (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 17:20:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18124220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcopland/pseuds/Beautiful%20Midnight
Summary: As much as they thought they could disappear, as much as they thought they were free, HYDRA wasn’t done with them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea if I want to continue, so please, leave comments and let me know. I just got the writing bug for this and nearly missed my damn train to write the beginning.

“Mr. Barnes? You have a visitor.”

 

He turned with a smile and extended his hand to the man who walked into the room. “Are you from VA?” 

 

Steve shook it and sat down across from him. “Yeah, I’m visiting someone here, and I like to spend some time with other vets while I’m here. Give back, y’know?”

 

“Who are you visiting?”

 

“My husband.”

 

“He okay? I mean, it’s all relative in a place like this,” he laughed weakly, looking out the window. “Sorry. I don’t mean to laugh. It’s just…”

 

Steve shook his head. “If you’re not laughing, you’re crying, right?”

 

For just a moment, there was a glimmer of something in Bucky’s eyes, but it was gone as soon as it arrived. He blinked once, running his hand through his hair. “Yeah. That’s pretty much how it is. I— shit. I never even got your name. Unless I did, and I forgot. My memory’s pretty spotty.” A sad smile flickered and died on Bucky’s lips and he looked down at his lap. 

 

“It’s okay. I didn’t introduce myself when I came in. I’m Steve Rogers.”

 

“James Barnes. What’s left of me, anyway.”

 

They sat and talked about things for another hour - the weather, music, sports, all topics that were chosen to keep from causing Bucky much stress. Until they could figure out how to fix what was broken, they were in a holding pattern. It was easier this way. 

 

“I should get going. Visiting hours and all.” Steve squeezed Bucky’s hand. “You mind if I come see you again, Bucky?”

 

He blinked, looking startled, and Steve mentally kicked himself. “...Bucky?”

 

“I...heard the nurse say it was your nickname,” Steve said quickly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep.”

 

Bucky blinked a few times, frowning and flexing the fingers of his metal hand a few times. “I don’t remember. I..  I’m sorry.” His voice had dropped to just above a whisper. 

 

“It’s okay. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Steve swallowed past a lump in his throat. “Are you still okay if I visit you again? I liked talking to you.”

 

He nodded once, staring down at his hands. Something seemed wrong. Something was missing. “Your husband,” he said suddenly, when Steve was almost to the door. 

 

There was a moment, just a  _ moment _ that Steve let himself hope, and it made what happened next hurt just that little bit more. “Y-yeah?”

 

“Is he going to be okay?”

 

His throat tightened, and he smiled sadly, already feeling the sting of tears at the corners of his eyes, that now-familiar ache in his chest. “I don’t know, pal. I hope so.”

 

Bucky nodded and turned his gaze back out to the window. “Me too. Bye, Steve.”

 

“Bye, James.”

 

Steve sank into one of the chairs outside and put his head in his hands, feeling himself tremble. He wanted to put his fist through a wall - better yet, the Hydra bastard who’d taken Bucky away from him. They’d been happy. They’d been free. Finally, finally free, after clawing themselves out. They were able to disappear for a while, but in the end, they hadn’t been able to disappear forever. 

 

He’d come in from a run to find the house a mess, like there’d been a fight. There were a handful of dead HYDRA agents and Bucky was lying on the kitchen floor, unconscious. When he woke up, he’d known who  _ he _ was, but… little else. He had no idea who Steve was, didn’t remember their life together. It was like a chalkboard that had been wiped clean. There were moments where it almost seemed like Bucky was back - like part of  _ his _ Bucky was coming back, but… it never lasted for long. 

 

Steve thought about reaching out to T’Challa, but.. he already owed the man too much. He didn’t want to push it. They’d gotten HYDRA out of Bucky’s head in the first place, built him a new arm… and what would he say? ‘Hey, funny story. You know how your sister went in and fixed his brain before? Well, it’s broken again. I don’t have the warranty or a receipt. Could you help a guy out?’

 

He smelled the coffee before he realized who was next to him. “Have you slept, Captain?”

 

Steve lifted his head weakly. “I had seven decades of sleep. What’s a few months without?”  He wiped his eyes. “Who called you?”

 

“Stark. And Miss Romanov. And Doctor Banner. And Thor. Though he didn’t so much  _ call _ as just… arrive in Wakanda and break many of the windows in my room upon landing. My sister was furious.” T’Challa chuckled. “Your friends are all worried about you. Including me, Captain.” He held out the coffee, putting an arm on Steve’s shoulder. “This must be incredibly difficult for you.”

 

Steve took the coffee, nodding, and sighing. “I feel like I’m losing him a little more every day. When I go in there and he doesn’t recognize me over and over, I don’t know. It hurts more than if they’d just killed him.”

 

“I imagine that was their plan.”

 

“You’re probably right.” He stared down at the coffee, willing himself to stop crying. It was bad enough sitting in this waiting room every goddamn day and crying, but to do it in front of T’Challa was somehow worse. 

 

T’Challa squeezed Steve’s shoulder. “What are you going to do?”

 

“Same thing I’ve been doing for months.” He sipped the coffee and sighed. “Put on a cheerful face and go in there to see him every day, hope that somehow, something’s going to click. We both have time to spare.” 

 

“And when are you going to stop being a horse’s ass and ask me for help?”

 

Steve laughed weakly and let his head drop. “I was hoping I wouldn’t have to. You’ve done so much already, and I’m sure you have so much on your plate as it is.”

 

“Captain, I am  _ bored _ . My sister could use a new project. And besides that, you are my friend. He fought at Wakanda’s side during the great battle. We will find a way.” T’Challa stood. “Speak to the doctors. I will be waiting in my ship for you.” 

 

“What, now?”

 

“I didn’t realize I would have to check your schedule,” T’Challa said dryly. “Should I speak to your secretary, Captain?” 

 

Steve managed a laugh and stood, still feeling like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. “And… if there’s no way to fix what they did?” He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the answer. 

 

“Do not tell my sister that you questioned her abilities.” T’Challa sighed heavily, standing and heading out of the hospital.  “I am the one who will have to hear about it.” 

 

He had no other options. SHIELD doctors were at a loss. Tony and Bruce were at a loss. If there were any chance to get Bucky back to who he was before, he was going to take it. Hell, if the devil himself showed up and offered it in exchange for Steve’s soul, he wouldn’t hesitate in signing that fiery scroll. 

 

Steve spoke in length to the doctors, who were hesitant, but understood that there was very little they could do to convince Steve otherwise. 

 

“There’s no point in sedating him,” one of the nurses sighed. “They don’t work. Do you think you’re going to be able to convince him to get on a plane with you when he doesn’t know who you are? I don’t like this plan. If you can even  _ call _ it a plan.”

 

“With all due respect, ma’am, that’s my husband in there. I’m going to do whatever I can.” He walked back into Bucky’s room. “Hey, uh.. James. Do you remember me?”

 

“You were here an hour ago. My memory isn’t that bad,  _ Stanley _ .” He grinned, and for just a second, he looked so much like himself that Steve’s heart broke. “I wasn’t expecting another visit so soon.” Bucky stood slowly, moving to sit on his bed. 

 

Steve leaned against the doorframe, watching him. They’d tried telling Bucky the truth at first, but it just upset him, and his memory seemed to reset after a period anyway. “So, a friend of yours might have a medical treatment that could help. Your doctor asked me to talk to you.”

 

“....is it a VA thing?” He perked up a little. “You know what? I don’t care. If I have to spend another day in this room, I’m going to go even crazier. What do I need to do?”

 

He blinked, surprised, though he knew he shouldn’t have been. Bucky had always been the type to go a little stir crazy if he was stuck somewhere for any particular length of time. “Just.. gotta pack your stuff and get on a plane. He’s waiting outside.” Steve had a bag with Bucky’s personal items in it that he kept with him, but he knew Bucky had some clothes with him. “I’m going with you. For, uh… VA business. He’s a mutual friend, which is why he reached out to me.”

 

“What is it? The treatment?”

 

Steve laughed. “I couldn’t explain it to you if I  _ tried _ , so he didn’t bother telling me. His sister’s a genius. She’s actually the one who designed your arm.” He knew he was pushing the limits of what he should be telling Bucky, but god, for the first time in months, he had hope. 

 

He offered a hand to Bucky, and his heart thumped in his chest when Bucky actually took it. 

 

“You sure your husband’s not gonna get jealous if he sees us walkin’ out together?” Bucky asked him with a little grin. 

 

“It’ll be fine.” Steve promised him, walking him out of the hospital. Bucky took a deep breath of fresh air and tilted his face up to the sun with a sigh. 

 

He closed his eyes, smiling. “Man. It’s been a couple days, I almost forgot how good the sun feels. I— is that a jet parked in the parking lot?” 

 

Steve could already see two of the Dora flanking T’Challa standing by the ship, and he had to wonder how many of them were there when their king entered the hospital, and why Steve hadn’t noticed them before. (He had a feeling that if they’d wanted him to see them, he would have.) “Yeah. As good a place as any, I guess.” It was easier to just lie to him about how long he’d been in the hospital. 

 

By the time they were on the jet, Steve was starting to succumb to exhaustion, right up until Bucky moved over to sit next to him. “Can I ask you a question?” 

 

“Sure.”

 

“So, you know me, right? More than you’re saying you do.” Bucky watched him intently, and when he saw Steve avert his eyes, he had his answer. “Why are you lying to me?”

 

Steve let his head fall back against the side of the jet. “Because when we tried telling you the truth, you got stressed out and panicked. It’s… easier this way.”

 

“For who?”

 

“For—- you know what? I don’t even know anymore. I really don’t.” 

 

“How long have I been all…” Bucky trailed off and made a ‘crazy’ motion with his index finger. “Tell me the truth, this time. Even if I’m just gonna forget it.”

 

“Five months.” Steve said, closing his eyes, barely noticing that Bucky was holding his hand. 

 

Bucky took that information in, swallowing. “And you… come to visit me…”

 

“Every day.”

 

He exhaled sharply. “You need a hobby, Steve.”

 

Steve couldn’t help but laugh, finally looking down at Bucky’s hand. He ran his thumb over the spot where his wedding ring was - Steve had decided to wear it on a chain around his neck. It was easier that way. 

 

Fuck. How many things had he explained away like that? He’d been rationalizing things for months, deciding what was easier - which was just to not deal with it at all. 

 

“How long were we married?”

 

Bucky’s next question snapped him out of his thoughts. He sighed. “Less than a year. But you’ve been my best friend since we were kids.” 

 

“And if this doesn’t work. Whatever they’re gonna try… are you gonna keep showing up at my hospital room day after day?” 

 

“More than likely.” 

 

“Did I ever tell you how stubborn you are?”

 

“Once or twice.” 

 

They were silent for a few minutes, and Steve closed his eyes again, figuring that Bucky needed time to process everything. Instead, he found himself pulled into a hug. “I’m sorry,” Bucky said softly, holding him firmly with one hand at the back of Steve’s neck.

 

This was new. Bucky hadn’t held his hand or hugged him since he’d been attacked. This was very new. He sank against Bucky’s body. “I shouldn’t have left you alone. I should have known. I sh.. should have been there.” Steve’s voice hitched, and he buried his face in Bucky’s shoulder. He didn’t smell the same, but he was still familiar. 

 

“Shh. Whatever happened, I’m sure it wasn’t your fault. Go to sleep, Steve. Just sleep.” He rubbed Steve’s back, leaning back into him. It was strange - he knew that he and Steve had just met, but there was  _ something _ inside him that said otherwise. It was faint, but it was there. Bucky held onto that little glimmer of memory, not wanting to let go again. “I’ll find a way back, Stevie. I promise.”

 

“Yours til the end of the line, Buck.” Steve curled his fingers in Bucky’s shirt and finally fell asleep in his husband’s arms for the first time in months.

 

Bucky sat there with him, trying to wrap his head around everything. All he had to do was remember. He just had to remember for a little while longer. Now he had something to hold onto, and as tired as he was, he didn’t want to fall asleep in case he woke up at the beginning again. 

 

_ ‘Your name is Bucky. You’re married. You’re married to Steve. He’s your husband. Best friend since you were kids. _ ’ He closed his eyes, repeating it over and over in his head until he too fell asleep. 

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Steve was sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he never wanted to sit next to a hospital bed next to someone he loved, seeing their memory of him fade ever, ever again. He’d seen that with Peggy, and then months of it with Bucky. 

 

He’d barely had time to see the confusion in Bucky’s eyes before he was led off to the medical floor. T’Challa stopped him from following. 

 

“It is best that you give them space to work,” he said softly, putting a hand on Steve’s back. “They will bring him when my sister has done what she can. She is infuriating at times, but I have every confidence in her abilities. Besides that, she is fond of Sergeant Barnes.” T’Challa paused. “In her way.”

 

Steve chuckled, shaking his head. “Bucky told me once that she reminded him of his little sister. I’m sure if he knew it was her doing this, he wouldn’t be worried.”

 

“We have a room for you. You can rest, or if you need to go for a run, we will find you if there is news.”

 

He considered it, finally just admitting that he wanted to take a nap. It was easier to rest knowing Bucky was safe. God help the HYDRA agent who was dumb enough to come to Wakanda to find them. Part of him wanted to just stay there and keep Bucky safe, but above else, he just wanted to go  _ home _ . He wanted to sleep in  _ their _ bed and wake up next to his  _ husband _ .  

 

As incredible as the Wakandan palace was, it wasn’t home, and after everything that had happened at the house, Steve wasn’t sure that it would even feel like home for a while. When he closed his eyes, he could still see Bucky lying on the kitchen floor, hair matted with blood. Steve let out a sharp breath and lay down on the bed. Somehow, mercifully, he slept. He wasn’t sure for how long; it was dark outside when he heard a voice in the doorway.  

 

“Ah, shit. Sorry, fella. Thought she told me it was this room.”

 

Steve turned and blinked, rushing to his feet. “Bucky?”

 

“That’s me.” He raised an eyebrow. “Do I know you?”

 

His shoulders slumped. “I…I’m Steve Rogers. We..”

 

“Nice try.” He laughed. “Steve Rogers is ninety pounds soaking wet with a few wet blankets on top of him, and he’s about....” Bucky held his hand at Steve’s approximate height. “Tell me another one, pal.”

 

Steve’s heart caught in his throat. This was new. At least Bucky remembered him. He could work with this. “No. Buck, it’s me. Howard Stark did this… experiment on me. I got caught trying to lie on forms to get into the army.” Steve didn’t know how far back Bucky’s memories went back, so he had to think. “Your kid sister’s name is Rebecca, and you’d get her the damn moon if she asked for it. Your parents are George and Winifred. Uh… what else. Nuns  _ hate _ you.”

 

“That’s a crock of shit. Nuns  _ love _ me.” He flashed Steve a grin that was so familiar Steve felt the urge to cry. Bucky leaned into him and reached for him with his prosthetic, holding Steve’s chin in his thumb and index finger.  “You’re gonna need to explain the shiny science fiction arm later. I.. jesus. Steve? That’s really you in there.”

 

“It is.” His voice choked. Even if Bucky didn’t seem to remember much post-war, he recognized Steve, and that was the first time it had happened in months. 

 

Bucky exhaled slowly, taking a step back. Finally, he laughed and pulled Steve into a hug, looking overjoyed. “Stevie… goddamn, look at you! I .. your breathing sounds so good! You look so  _ healthy _ ! If I ever meet Howard Stark, I gotta buy him a drink.” 

 

It took everything in Steve not to start crying. This wasn’t  _ his _ Bucky; not anymore, but he couldn’t help the relief that washed over him just seeing that recognition in those beautiful blue eyes, and he had to admit, he’d always been curious about this. He’d wondered what would have happened if he’d surprised Bucky with this when they weren’t fighting for their lives. If there was any doubt that Bucky loved him, it was gone - there’d been no jealousy, no bitterness. Bucky was just happy for him, and it warmed Steve from the inside out. 

 

Steve hugged him back, burying his face in Bucky’s hair. “I missed you.”

 

“Did I go somewhere? I mean, I must have, for you to grow  _ that _ .” He ran his fingers along Steve’s beard. 

 

“Oh. Uh. Not that long. And I’ll shave it.”

 

“Don’t do it on my account, pal.”

 

Steve cleared his throat. He could swear he saw something more in the way Bucky looked at him, and now he wondered how he’d never noticed it back in the day. “Something happened at the docks. You lost an arm,” he lied. “Stark sent you here as a favour to me because he knew someone who could build you a new one.”

 

“Well, that’s lucky,” Bucky said with a slightly raised eyebrow. There were questions to be asked, and certain things that didn’t make sense but Steve looked so relieved to see him safe and sound that he decided to keep his mouth shut for the time being. “I guess we’ll have to get a new bed for the apartment,” he laughed. 

 

“Wh-what? Why?”

 

“You’re not gonna need me to keep you warm, and the way you look? You’re gonna be bringin’ home a different girl every night. Maybe we both will.” 

 

Steve’s stomach gave a lurch, and he silently weighed his options. Would it be unethical to kiss Bucky? They were  _ married _ . They’d done far more than kissing, after all. Mentally, this wasn’t the same Bucky he’d married, but… Bucky still wanted to kiss him back then. Was it cheating? Was it wrong?

 

“Fuck it.”

 

“Wh—“ Bucky had enough time to laugh at the determined look on Steve’s face before he was pulled into a kiss. He moaned, melting into the larger man, arms going up around Steve’s shoulders. It was still unnerving to make the connection between this tall, muscular man and… Steve, but it was Steve, beyond the shadow of a doubt.

 

He pulled away after a moment, breathless and dizzy. “Someone’s gonna see us. It’s not safe.”

 

“It’s okay. We’re not gonna get in trouble. I promise.”  Steve could feel some of the stress melting away just having Bucky close - a Bucky who remembered him, no less. He ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair and tilted his chin up to kiss him again. There was a knock at the door and Bucky jerked back guiltily, cheeks red. 

 

Shuri cleared her throat. “I wonder if I could talk to C— Steve alone for a moment.” 

 

Bucky nodded once and let himself be brave enough to squeeze Steve’s hand. “If you need help, call me.” He grinned, making Shuri roll her eyes. 

 

“He’s far more ridiculous like this,” she muttered once the door closed. “I don’t know how you managed.” 

 

“I managed just fine. And thank you. For whatever you did. Is he going to keep regaining his memories?”

 

She hesitated. “Yes. Eventually. Whatever they did in undoing all my work, it was…  _ effective _ .” Steve couldn’t help but notice the utter annoyance in Shuri’s voice, and he had a feeling that she was far more irritated at HYDRA messing with her project than she was at Bucky being hurt. If it wasn’t Bucky caught in the crosshairs, it’d be downright funny. “I reset his mind to before the war. He had happier memories then. I thought it’d be nice.” Her jaw tightened. “I hope he took some of the bastards with him when they attacked.”

 

“He did his damn best.” Steve smiled faintly, and she nodded once. 

 

“Good. Now, just be patient. Try not to do too much to shake him, mentally. His mind is still healing. I suggested putting him back in cryosleep, but my brother told me you’d force yourself in there with him.” She arched a brow, smirking. “They are not big enough chambers for two, Captain. I had to think of my lab.”

 

He laughed. “Of course. Thank you. For everything.” Steve started to walk her towards the door but he stopped. “...is he going to remember his time as the soldier?”

 

Shuri clicked her tongue and muttered something in Xhosa that was undoubtedly a curse word. “ _ Mka _ . I was hoping it wouldn’t come up. It’s unlikely, but possible. For now, enjoy your time together, and for Bast’s sake, put a sock on the door if you’re going to be having sex in here.” She patted him on the arm and walked out. 

 

“Leaving so soon, sweetheart?” Bucky grinned at her, leaning against the wall next to the door. 

 

“Don’t even start with me, Barnes. We both know you were  _ minutes _ from having your hands in his pants.” Shuri snorted. “You are ridiculous.” 

 

Bucky re-entered the room and pulled Steve against him again. “What’d I miss?”

 

“Just giving me an update on your recovery. Nothing major.”

 

“Any reason I wasn’t involved in talk about my recovery, Rogers?”

 

“...Buck, we’re all just worried about you. You protected me for years. Let me protect you just this once.”

 

Bucky watched him, frowning. He wanted to say more, but he rarely saw Steve this exhausted. He just didn’t have it in him to push the matter. “Promise me somethin’. Sometime real soon, you’re gonna explain this to me. The arm, wherever we are, your beard, my hair.. all of it.”

 

“I promise I will.” Steve closed his eyes and sighed. 

 

Bucky walked past him and took his shirt off, stopping to check himself out in the mirror. Oh, something had happened. The scars and muscles on his body told him a whole story, but he just couldn’t see the details yet. He shook the thought from his mind. He had Steve, who was built like a brick shithouse, and they had each other. The details could come later. 

 

“C’mere.”

 

“Bucky, I.. I’ll just take the c-“

 

“Steven Rogers, get in the goddamn bed. We’ve slept together for years. This changes nothing. Except that we’re gonna need a bigger bed to fit you.”

 

“Maybe we just sleep closer,” Steve said, smirking. Bucky laughed, flopping onto his side. 

  
  


Steve stripped down to his underwear, craving the skin-on-skin intimacy he’d been lacking. He crawled into bed, into his husband’s waiting arms. “I missed you,” he mumbled into Bucky’s chest. 

 

“You gonna tell me how long I was gone?”

 

“Fucking  _ forever _ .”

 

He chuckled and stroked Steve’s hair, pulling him close. “Get some sleep, Stevie.”

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you too. Even if you  _ are _ a punk.” 

 

Steve closed his eyes. This still wasn’t the same Bucky he’d married, but god, this was an improvement. Bucky knew who he was, and  _ loved _ him. He was closer to himself than he’d been in months. Hell, they both were. 

 

He fell asleep in Bucky’s arms, still feeling Bucky’s fingernails tracing slow, lazy patterns on his scalp. 

 

Bucky had questions; so many goddamn questions that he didn’t know where to start.. but he’d wanted to stop carrying that secret for a long, long time… And now? Now Steve was healthy and safe, and they had a shot at being happy. 

 

His brain meant to tell Steve ‘til the end of the line’, but when he spoke, it came out “ _ Do kontsa stroki. _ .” He blinked a few times. “...St—“ No. Best to not wake him. So what if he said something in a weird language? Nothing to worry about. 

 

_ Voobshche nichego. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Til the end of the line” and “Nothing at all” are the two Russian phrases. We can all guess what Shuri said.


End file.
